July 2011
1 post
Dear Amanda Palmer, Initially, I wasn’t going to do this. I know you get plenty of fan mail and that mine could be one of the many that disappears into the pile. However, the need to say thank you has invaded my life for the last six months, and so I decided to at least draft a letter.
I was raised on Tori Amos and Nine Inch Nails, on Fungo Mungo and The Red Hot Chili...
June 2011
1 post
"Serious" Blogging
I wanted to start an online vegan cooking show, but then I decided that until I have some recipes of my own (and you know, a kitchen that doesn’t look like crap), a blog would do. That lead to the thought that, neat, I already have a blog! But apparently Tumblr doesn’t count. According to a couple of my college roommates, Tumblr is for the excessive consumption of time and is...
April 2011
2 posts
To the Financial Aid Office:
Hi,
My name is Arraine Siefert, and I can’t go to college next year because it is physically impossible for me to work full-time and maintain a reasonable GPA while going to school full time.
I don’t get any money from the FAFSA because my father makes too much per year, and I don’t get any money from my parents because they feel entitled to my education. I don’t want...
And Now, an Alliteration:
make more magic moments.
March 2011
1 post
February 2011
4 posts
But I Am So, So Tired
I want to thrash and yell and scream and rip and cry and writhe and tear
he smells like creamsicles on a hot summer day when his hair falls into his eyes and he looks down to the fraying tips tips of his toes dancing in the ocean surf sinking into wet sand and coming up cold and wrinkled like the clouds in the sky overhead blocking out the light of the sun twinkling in the distance
September 2010
1 post
I write sonnets. It's his fault.
I can’t quite understand the place I head
I know it’s all because of things I dream
But still the future’s filled with things I dread
The thought of it just makes me want to scream
And so, in verse, I write my des’prate plea
Just for a little help with all I face
Just for the one I love to notice me
Just for someone to help...
April 2010
1 post
AUGH IT'S A FOOD BLOG
Actually…. I’ve been wanting to start a food blog for a really loooooong time…. so, here I am! I’m just going to add my foodie stuff here with my other freaky Arraine stuff :-P
So last Sunday, for my senior project, I had a vegan dinner party. I had five friends (who love food just as much as I do) over for dinner. It was also representative of my favorite foods as a vegan...
March 2010
1 post
Why do I feel the way I do?
because people are really horrible to each other, because I can’t stop everyone’s pain, because i’m so happy while so many people are struggling so much, because I don’t know how I’m supposed to behave as a human being, because I don’t understand how war or murder or revenge works… it just doesn’t make sense, because i...
February 2010
1 post
Vegan-osity! Journal entry numero uno!
Starting weight: 189 pounds. Alright. Ten pounds less than it was for the last few months. Starting the day with a cup of green tea (YUM.) and I’m going to have some fruit in a bit for breakfast. I think I might do apples and peanut butter. That’s an IMMENSELY tasty treat that is vegan and I wish I had time for on school mornings. I really ought to start getting up earlier. Today will...
December 2009
1 post
A sonnet for you (#1)
To miss you would be crazy, for I hold A dozen things that tell me how you feel And yet, this love that’s anything but old I haven’t quite absorbed that it is real My life has been transformed to fairy tale Reality a dream of what has been This beautiful release from such a jail I can’t believe the things that I have seen Your face each day burns brightly in my mind The...
November 2009
3 posts
Dear Taylor Swift:
I strongly dislike the song “You Belong With Me,” and a lot of people ask me why. What’s not to like, right? We can all relate, right? Here’s why: It’s an awful message to send. The basic premise of the song is “leave your girlfriend for me, I’m better,” which is bad enough as it is. This explanation not good enough for you? Let’s break it...
I am so glad that I can look back on those memories now and smile instead of feeling like I’m going to cry.
He’s kind. He knows exactly who I am because I’m 100% comfortable around him and he wants to spend time with me anyway. He’s a gentleman and a nerd and he cuddles with me when I’m lonely and gives me his coat when I’m cold. He likes to look at the stars and talk about philosophy and he knows when it’s time to be serious, even though he’s a funny guy.
October 2009
1 post
Word Vomit.
Oh god what the fuck is wrong with me?
“Arraine, What’s wrong?”
I don’t fucking know. Somebody shoot me now… or something. Not really though, I have no desire to die. Reality is hard… but it’s too much fun to give up. I’m too damned curious.
The show is stressful. Costuming is stressful. My future is stressful. Environmental science is stressful....
September 2009
2 posts
Someone is celebrating. Someone is commiserating. Someone is eating ice cream and looking up at the stars. There is nothing more perfect than right now…. but we seem to think so, most of the time. Take a look at right now. No, seriously, do it. If it sucks, change it. You DO have that power. I exist on a plane where the magic of the moment is rarely lost on me. I know that it has to...
A Sonnet
How grand it is the doom that waits for me Here lies a pattern that I can’t escape My past, my present, future plain to see So many things which leave my heart agape Each time almost, but never quite the same Each want more desp’rate, urgent than the last Except, of course, when you might share the name, the habits, manner, stolen from those passed Yet somehow, doom here tastes...
August 2009
3 posts
one hundred emotions. That is what I am feeling. Ecstasy, sorrow, joy, bitterness, awkwardness, jealousy, happiness, excitement, nervousness, everything. All of the above. From the minute I walked into band, I knew: This was the place for me. Even before you. Before someone took out her clarinet and played those first notes. Before I was jamming away in my room like a pro. Before the...
Prioritize... things to do before School:
Today:
Write my Awakening essay
Finish my journal for AP enviro sci
Make the necessary changes
Write my eco-essay
Clean my room
Saturday night:
Write my oral presentation
Sunday:
See Ponyo
Get a report cover
Go to LUSH
Print out my essays
Monday:
Go to the river
Monday evening:
Pick out an outfit
Pack my backpack
Make my dress
Tuesday morning:
Start the pseudoscience book
Stress:
1. Manage my time better.
2. Keep bad people out of my life.
3. Only make promises I know 100% that I can keep.
4. Get rid of the clutter,
5. Exercise. Every day. If it isn’t aerobic, at least do some yoga.
6. Meditate every morning.
7. Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.
8. Go for walks regularly
9. Journal
10. Listen to music that does not aggravate me.
11. Reduce sugar.
12....
July 2009
2 posts
GO
someday, i’ll be able to just go
right when i need to
stand up
walk out the door
and
GO
i’ll come back when i need to, also
when i want to leave
i’ll leave
as far away or nearby as necessary
and won’t that be just glorious?
it’s not freedom i’m really looking for
it’s discovery
new things
adventures
my glorious future. the earth in front of...
dark&light
dark, darker, darkest. darkness can be so beautiful and enthralling… it’s why we retreat into depression so willingly. we see a glamor in the darkness that we want to hold. the music alone speaks directly to a part inside of us that most people aren’t likely to admit to having - a fundamental part of what it means to be human - and cleans our “soul” like a bottle...
June 2009
4 posts
Spark
Regrets are a waste of time A waste of energy A waste of inner peace Yet you remain a spark A light in the distance Never to be extinguished by the ugliness of regret Or the beauty of new love Or the cloud of hopelessness Or the bittersweet past Or the uncertain future But kept alive by the majesty and power of love and lust entertwined Too strong to be lost in the darkness around Too bright to...
fuck. ow. i’m tired and decided i needed to tell my tumblelog. recipe for happy (combine two or more of the following ingredients): tea stargazing black pen and creamy white paper paints (particularly fingerpaints) pop music from a crackly radio giggly girlfriends really good “crappy young adult fiction” girlosophy the cranberries that one ani difranco song francesca lia block...
one question i hear a lot: “what is love?” closely followed by: “are you in love?” “how do you know you’re in love?” “have you ever been in love?” “are you sure it was love?” “how did you know?” and then comes: “how do you fall out of love?” “do you ever really stop loving somebody?” ...
One-hundred words. One-hundred words each day to express myself - no more, no less. Today: Struggling. Surviving. Learning. Wanting? It’s very possible. And yet you choose another. No matter. My life is open wide to any and all possibilities. My heart is open wide and spread to every corner of the earth. Life is so very complex, which is part of why it’s so beautiful, but it’s...
May 2009
1 post
fall in love before you close your eyes the world has much to offer and if the love closes your eyes at least the darkness behind your eyelids is a beautiful and comforting one not so dark and scary as what might come, might consume you if you hide behind lashes that never flutter with the euphoria of a fluttering heart light in blackness spark of something a little more than what you ever really...
April 2009
6 posts
my heart is in all corners of this world one piece is buried in a vast desert hides safely under warm sand where nobody who does not want it can find it in danger only during a windstorm when it might be revealed to wrong-hearted men who never give it a second thought just walk over it with dirty sandy feet one piece is hidden in a deep forest screeching primates exotic birds keep it company...
conserve THINK before you speak or act risk success slow/calm the hell down keep an open mind and an open heart be yourself - keep who you are strong don’t lose her to someone else read write work hard to practice: theatre reading writing math science love; so that you are ready to excel when the time comes be here now don’t get so attached and worked up make a book list -...
bethra lily is a baby girl with a shock of violet hair pointy vampire teeth pricking curled ruby lips sparkling emerald chips embedded in black irises and a high clear voice that rose above laments and cheers alike that come from friends enemies family and admirers who look upon baby bethra lily is less than innocent even at the age of seven with too much sparkling silver hair flowing...
Tall, juniper soldiers stand, shoulder-to-shoulder, guarding seeming simplicity from prying eyes. I lie with my belly pressing an indention into cool grass and moist soul. I peer carefully around the ankles of the soldiers. Rough, brown branches and a prickly exterior. Keeping the outside out but only barely containing my fiery heart. Passion. Screams. Unparalleled truth and beauty. Throwing...
war -for the Rebels WITH Causes- raindrops run down warped windows but i can see though those empty tears with which the sky hopes to shield my eyes peering timidly through the smokescreen and pressing my lips to clammy glass declaring my sentiment to save those on the other side in vain sometimes they cover my mouth and nose and my lungs scream for them to go away the sweaty hands...
time stands still
Center stage she sits, eyes cast downward, shoulders pulled inward, a twist of hands and fingers resting in a delicate lap. The idea that all of these parts might belong to her is still foreign to this bodyless mind, a mind far from the stage on which her brittle bones are waiting patiently to be realized once again. An imaginary breeze ruffles hair that isn’t quite her own. A breath...
February 2009
1 post
“seventeen: war my girlfriends and I put naked barbies in the strawberry jello ken had a mohawk, kilt, tiny earring, and eyeliner we girls danced in the living room there were no boys by that time just us all in shiny pink waiting for something to happen not expecting it to be anorexia or cancer or never seeing one another again or war we were like those naked plastic dolls ...
Risk Success Learn Every Day Take Time Prioritize Scream Sing Set Goals Make something new Put In the Work Walk a Few Miles Dance Love Scribble Create Beauty Make the Leap Watch for “Cars” Wear Cutoffs Offer Friendship Bask in the Sun Dance on the Beach Ask for What You Deserve Enjoy a Fire Drink Pure Water Love The Earth Reach for Goals Stretch your limits
January 2009
9 posts
My situation, Me, in a nutshell:
I am growing. I am changing.
Living to Death (Musings on the Weeping Angels)
“Fascinating race, the Weeping Angels. The only psychopaths in the universe to kill you nicely. No mess, no fuss, they just zap you into the past and let you live to death. The rest of your life used up and blown away in the blink of an eye. You die in the past, and in the present they consume the energy of all the days you might have had, all your stolen moments. They’re creatures of...
The minute I see your face tomorrow will likely be no different from the minute I see your face any other morning. The difference lies in an insignificant number that is meant to represent the passing of time. Nothing changes each time I look upon your eyes, your nose, your perfect lips. Each glance is as disarming as the one before. Each glance is full of perfection and agony. Each glance shows...
Missed Opportunities (A Haiku Set)
You make my breath catch With the single glance Of a lover lost Everyday gloom Always parted by your smile Each smile just for her Never shall I search As you presence radiates I can feel it there Like the breeze, a breath Passes through your parted lips I must hold my own Those love stories What I expected of you Not what I received Yet I still dream of More opportunities...
I just finished a rather wonderful book, Criss Cross, by Lynne Rae Perkins, and it got me thinking. Its a beautiful coming-of-age story… and I’m wondering if I still have some of that left. I envy innocence. Perhaps that’s why I so often resent young children. They’re so unbelievably lucky. They still have the chance to become ANYTHING. They don’t have to know what...
Stop talking about people Make a TuTu Watch some Gilmore Girls Never buy what you could make yourself You deserve the best Have some tea Cook for health 70’s Jeans Listen to happy music Tie Dye Work hard, play harder Make something Be kind Study something Read a book Play tag Get interested in schoolwork You ARE worth it Get some sun Wear stripey socks Run Around Make a...
Thoughts on Human Behavior
Why is it, that no matter where we end up in life, we retreat so willingly into depression? When we’ve gone beyond a simple want for attention, and simply want to turn away from the world. Is it because we truly have good reason to? It can’t possibly be because it treats us well, or is warm, or comfortable. Are we just out of energy, in need of a break, so we choose despair? I...
Human
I am crazy. I am not your ordinary, run-of-the mill lunatic nutjob. Putting me in the looney bin won’t help to resolve anything. You can’t solve my problems by putting me through therapy or making me talk to a counselor or feeding me pills that are supposed to regulate my body’s chemistry. Nonetheless, I am crazy. Insane. A perfectly neurotic nut. Somebody you’d duck your...
November 2008
5 posts
Someday
Someday I’ll fall in love again
Someday I’ll be able to tell you that I don’t love you anymore, and you’ll believe me because I’ll believe myself.
Because I’m done. I’m so done trying to pretend that I don’t love you and pretending that I don’t want you and pretending that I don’t get chills everytime you touch me or get dizzy when I...
I love Tori
I love Amanda Palmer
Arraine is Rain. Only Ashley ever called me Rain, so that name is basically as pure as it can get. Rain itself is pure, if we’re lucky. So there, I gave a name to the new me, because I just have to give names to things.
And another thing,
No more of this “Arraine is” crap
Back to the most powerful statement in the world:
I Am.
I want the truth
I want equality
I want to be...
Arraine wants the truth
Arraine wants equality
Arraine wants to be loved
Arraine likes curly hair
Arraine likes bright colors
Arraine is not a techie
Arraine is not very good with numbers
Arraine loves words